On The Way Down Song Fic
by SeeInBlackAndWhite
Summary: Zel/Xel Yaoi Warning: Don't like it don't read it. Song-fiction Ryan Cabrara. Slight suicide, it doesn't actually happen but the implications are there. Mostly just Zelgadis/Xellos fluff.


Sick and tired of this world

**DISCLAIMER: Slayers TV, Manga, nor any of it's characters belong to me! And I know that so bugger off, or yeah same with On the Way Down, that belongs to Ryan Cabrara…I think.**

Sick and tired of this world

There's no more air

Trippin' over myself

Goin' nowhere

Xellos was sitting at the end of a pier with his head resting on his upturned palms. He stared out to sea, he was watching the waves crash gently on a rock far out. He sighed, he had no idea what time it was and he really didn't care at the moment. Over one-thousand years and he still didn't really know what to do. He outlived anyone he really became fond of, which, he supposed as a monster, shouldn't happen…Being fond of anyone anyway. Alone, that's what he felt, alone and lost. Yes, yes he knew he was very good at what he did; deceive people, but what if he didn't want to do that anymore?

Waiting

Suffocating

No direction

And I took a dive

He stood up and the wind whipped his hair around his face, he brushed a few strands back and glanced up at the fading colours of the now distant sun. Xellos folded his arms and closed his eyes; trying to imagine his life…it really was a hard thing to contemplate. He knew just how that lone rock structure stood. Alone, forgotten and put upon. The freedom of the waves crashed around the stationary form, just as the people in his own life did. He drew a shaky breath and wiped his eyes with the back of his hand. He just didn't want to anymore…he didn't want to face the world again…live alone for another thousand years. And he wasn't going to, but there's really only one way out of life, and that's just the opposite death. He raised his hand and was just about to utter a quick spell when…

"Planning on destroying something in the serene place are you?"

And on the way down

I saw you

And you saved me

From myself

And I won't forget

The way you loved me

On the way down

Almost fell right through

But I held onto you

"Zelgadis!" Xellos gasped, "Why of course not!" He plastered on a sunny smile, resuming his goofy persona.

"Oh, really?" Zelgadis raised an eyebrow in question, "Well then what are you doing here?"

"That's a secret!" Xellos replied quickly, waving one finger around. Zelgadis reached out and bent his finger backwards. "Ow!"

"Don't do that, and I won't do _that_!" Zelgadis scolded and crossed his arms across his chest. "Besides that, what are you really doing out here?"

"Nothing!" Xellos was nervous, and it was obvious, what better way to get out of this than leave though. "But I don't need to be here anymore so, bye!" He was about to phase out when Zelgadis grabbed his wrist.

"Oh, no you don't!" He said tightening his grip, "You don't deserve to get out of it that easily!" His voice was harsh but the bite to it was only drowning genuine concern.

"Hmmn," Xellos hung his head and stared at his feet trying to avoid eye contact.

"Xellos, what do you take me for, an idiot?" Zelgadis growled, releasing Xellos's wrist and crossing his arms again.

"No, no Zelgadis! It's just…"

"Just?"

"Well, nothing you care about Zelgadis!" He bit off Zelgadis's name with icy intent. Zelgadis didn't really care about his predicament, and anyway there's no way he could understand his problem.

"If I truly didn't care then why in the hell would I have asked?"

"Now, because…well."  
"See? Now tell me."

"Uhm…" Xellos ran his fingers through his hair, "I've been alive for over one-thousand years, I will admit the first hundred years were pretty great," there was a hint of his usual silly smile playing around his lips for a few seconds, "but after that…well, no one I care about…at all…will ever live as long as I do…not that a monster is supposed to care anyway. Zelgadis…I-."

"I understand."

"Don't just say that! There's no way you could understand, how long have you been on this earth?! 19 years? You can't…you just can't understand this!" Xellos was crying now tears streaming down his face; he slumped to the pier and buried his face in his arms. Zelgadis looked at him and contemplated walking away, but he couldn't do it.

"How can you say that? Don't you know anything?" Zelgadis asked him sarcastically, selfishly. Xellos looked up at him, his eyes red and filled with sorrow.

"Of course I know!" He was trying to be just as calm as Zelgadis was but his lip was trembling and tears still flowed freely down his cheeks.

"Then why haven't you noticed that I'm a chimera yet? Hasn't that been obvious since we've known one another?"

"Yes, yes I've noticed th-…oh." Now it clicked Xellos understood what Zelgadis meant. "If you don't find your cure then you,"

"Will outlive everyone I care about, well almost everyone anyway."

"Almost everyone? You mean?"

"Yes," Zelgadis got down on one knee next to the Mazoku, "unless due to some gruesome fate I probably won't outlive you Xellos."

"Why do you…I thought you hated me!" Xellos's voice was a little higher pitched than normal. He wiped the tears and their wet trails from his face as best as he could.

"Xellos, you drive me absolutely crazy and sometimes I think I hate you too. But," Zelgadis shrugged, "I just can't…and I don't. I realize what you do and why, and I actually admire your strength, stronger than I for sure."

"Strength?" Xellos asked him.

"Yes, look at all that you've been through and all that you've made it through, you said it yourself, one-thousand years of this. Crazy people, creatures, and conceited brats like myself."

"You're not conceited." Xellos argued.

"I am," Zelgadis gave him a small smile, "I know it."

"Well," Xellos smiled back, Zelgadis raised an eyebrow then chuckled a bit.

"Here," Zelgadis held out his hand, Xellos took it and looked into the kind chimeras' eyes. Zelgadis stood up and pulled Xellos up with him. Zelgadis reached down and picked up Xellos's staff, "Probably need this?"

"That would be most likely!" Xellos took his staff back, a smile turned up the corners of his mouth. "Thank you Zelgadis."

"Welcome," He nodded slightly.

I've been wondering why

It's only me

Have you always been inside?

Waiting to breathe

It's alright

Sunlight

On my face

I wake up and yeah, I'm alive.

The two very different, very similar, men walked side by side out of the port and back to Zelgadis's inn. "Where are you staying tonight?" Zelgadis asked Xellos as they reached the door.

"Oh, I'm not sure actually!" He grinned sheepishly and rubbed the back of his neck.

"Why don't you stay here then? Close enough aren't you?"

"Well, yes! Ok!" Xellos giggled a bit and danced off to talk to the old woman behind the counter. Zelgadis smiled to himself and pulled his hood and mask away from his face. The he sighed; he knew what Xellos had been close to doing, for he had been very close to doing it himself before. What a simple solution it would be, but what good would it do? Anyway, at the moment someone needed him and isn't that always what he really needed? Someone. Yes it was. His thoughts were interrupted when Xellos walked back over his happy stature somewhat dampened.

"What?" Zelgadis asked.

"She," Xellos nodded towards the woman behind the counter, "says there are no free rooms tonight."

"Oh, well we can solve that problem easily; you'll just stay with me tonight." Zelgadis informed without skipping a beat.

"Really?" Xellos asked his surprise showing in his voice.

"Why not? It solves a problem." Zelgadis calmly proceeded upstairs. Xellos stared after him for a few seconds then followed quickly.

Zelgadis opened the door to their room and walked in, Xellos was close behind. Zelgadis removed his cloak and threw it over the only chair in the room. Xellos had also shed his cloak and set draped it over Zelgadis's cloak. Zelgadis pulled a rolled piece of fabric out of a corner in the room.

"What's that?" Xellos asked pointing at the roll.

"Blankets, in other words a bed-roll."

"Oh! Thanks," Xellos reached to take the blankets.

"No," Zelgadis jerked it out of his reach, "you'll sleep there." He pointed at the bed and continued across the room to set up his sleeping space.

"No, no, you paid for the room!" Xellos held his hands up in front of him, "I couldn't."

"You will, and don't worry you'll pay me back for the room."

"Oh, uh, alright!" Xellos reached for his cloak, Zelgadis glanced at him over his shoulder.

"I was only kidding!" He chortled, "Jeez you're impossible."

"Sorry!" Xellos was hardly sure how to react to any of this, and he couldn't decide whether to take the goofy personality he used when he was uncomfortable or try a different approach. He decided to just stick with whatever seemed to work for the topic of conversation, if there was going to be any. Zelgadis stood having finished setting up for the night.

"I'll be back in a few minutes," He said, "If you plan on changing I suggest you do it now." Xellos nodded and Zelgadis walked out the door. Xellos didn't have anything to change into so he just removed his shoes and gloves. When Zelgadis returned Xellos was sitting curled up on the bed obviously deep in thought. Zelgadis slammed the door just hard enough to snap him back to reality.

"Hello Zelgadis."

"Hello." Zelgadis walked in and removed his shoes as well. He also pulled his shirt over his head and hung it on the door knob. Then he walked over and sat on the edge of Xellos's bed. "So…" He began, not knowing where to go with it.

"So…I have a lot to thank you for Zelgadis. You…you saved my life." Xellos was starring out the window so he wouldn't have to look at Zelgadis.

"What else could I have done, let you do that to yourself? I'm not that cruel Xellos, and I definitely don't hate you enough to let you do that." Zelgadis crossed his arms and legs, he knew there was more to the real reason he stopped Xellos but that would have to wait locked in the corner of his mind…or so he thought.

"Well, now, thank you anyway. I owe you my life, and that's not a debt I intend to forget."

"No need to repay it."

"But I must, Zelgadis, it's a pretty important thing I suppose, my life that is."

"I agree, it is."

Yes," Xellos pulled himself into a kneeling position his face now very close to Zelgadis's. "It really is." Xellos's lips brushed against his cheek softly. Zelgadis closed his eyes for a second and he shivered due to the warm contact to his cool skin. "Thank you." Xellos rested his fingers on Zelgadis's chin and turned his head so they were face to face. He then placed a gentle kiss on Zelgadis's lips before pulling away. "Goodnight, Zelgadis." Zelgadis was frozen for a couple moments then he replied to Xellos's words.

"Goodnight." He walked over to his own bedroll and lay down to think about this odd happening before drifting off to sleep. Xellos buried his head in his pillow and slowly drifted off to sleep as well.

When morning arrived a bright shaft of sunlight shone through the window. Xellos rolled over to turn away from it and almost fell of the bed, "Woah!" He gasped and caught himself before he fell. He looked around the room; saw Zelgadis's spot on the floor and that awakened his memory. The events of the night before were now the foremost thought in his mind.

'Cause on the way down

I saw you

And you saved me

From myself

And I won't forget

The way you loved me

On the way down

Almost fell right through

But I held onto you

Xellos's breath caught in his throat and his eyes welled with tears. _What a night, _he thought, _how did this happen? I was really going to do it wasn't I? But Zelgadis saved my life…he saved my life? That's a change. _He laughed a bit to himself; it really was a change as far as he was concerned. Yesterday he could have sworn the chimera wanted him dead, matter of fact Zelgadis probably would have been the one to kill him! But not today, today was different, today was…oh gods, today was going to be awkward. Xellos saw movement out of the corner of his eye so he looked up. Zelgadis was awake now, great.

Zelgadis rubbed the sleep out of his eyes and stretched. He looked up towards the bed and saw Xellos watching him. Oh…_that's right_, he thought,_ last night was, well last night was that._

"Good morning Zelgadis!" Xellos waved cheerily.

"Morning," Zelgadis replied still off to a little "slow morning" start. He stood and stretched again then reached for his shirt hanging on the door. "How'd you sleep?" He asked Xellos a little awkwardly.

"Wonderfully!" Xellos told him, he stood also and gathered his things from around the room: cloak, gloves, shoes, etc. etc.

"Good." Zelgadis pulled his shirt back over his head, straightening out as many wrinkles as he could. He then started to put away his "bed".

"How did you sleep?" Xellos returned the question; he was now pulling on his boots then his gloves.

"Well enough." Zelgadis said. He picked up Xellos's cloak so he could reach his own. "Here," He handed Xellos his cloak then picked up his.

"Thanks!" Xellos pulled his cloak over his shoulders then fastened it. Zelgadis did that same.

I was so afraid

Of going under

But now

The weight of the world

Feels like nothing, no, nothing

"Let's go then," Zelgadis was quick to leave and was about to walk out the door, but Xellos's grabbed his arm.

"Wait! Don't go just yet." Xellos's voice was pleading. Zelgadis turned to face him with a puzzled look.

"Yes?"

"Well, it's just…this." Xellos threw his arms around Zelgadis's neck and kissed him quickly. Zelgadis slid his arms around Xellos and held him close. Xellos had a few tears running down his face but he didn't really look upset just overly greatful. "I…" he tried to choke out.

"Shush," Zelgadis gave him a stern look then a half-smile, "I know." He stroked Xellos's hair. "Don't worry." He whispered gently. Xellos's sobs subsided soon after and he freed Zelgadis from his grasp. Zelgadis released Xellos as well.

"Thank you Zelgadis." Xellos said sincerely and wiped the tears from his eyes.

"That's only the hundredth time you've said that!" Zelgadis was being sarcastic but his tone was still gentle.

"Yes, yes it is." Xellos laughed a bit, his characteristic smile returning slowly. Zelgadis laid one hand on his cheek.

"Now let's not have this anymore," He said erasing a tears wet trail with his thumb.

"Of course not, I much agree!" Xellos grinned and placed his hand over Zelgadis's. Zelgadis smiled back then removed his hand from Xellos's cheek and hugged him. Xellos returned the hug with great enthusiasm.

Down, down, down

You're all I wanted

Down, down, down

You're all I needed

Down, down, down

You're all I wanted

You're all I needed

"I'm always here," Zelgadis whispered in Xellos's ear, his mouth so close that with every word his lips brushed against Xellos's skin. "Always." Xellos sighed happily.

"Good, I know." Xellos spoke softly, "That's all I ever wanted…all I ever really needed." He held on to Zelgadis tightly wishing to never let go. Zelgadis smiled.

"I know what you mean." He told Xellos. Xellos then realized that he had been wallowing in his own self pity so much that he hadn't even begun to notice Zelgadis's problems. Zelgadis had wrapped himself in Xellos's problems and ignored his own. Xellos jumped quickly to reimbursing the heartfelt console his friend had given him.

"Well you never have to worry about being alone either! You may outlive some…but I'll still be here." His words were in a rush and he was nervous. He felt guilty for not being there for Zelgadis before, it was selfish.

"You had better be!" Zelgadis warned him sternly; a subtle warning that Xellos better not try anything stupid, like trying to end his life, again.

And I won't forget the way you love me,

All that I wanted

All that I needed

On the way down

I saw you

And you saved me

From myself

"No, no I wouldn't do that!" Xellos's laughter cracked a bit but he was obviously still happy.

They held each other for a long immeasurable amount of time, and it couldn't possibly have lasted long enough for either of them. When they finally broke apart both had smiles on their faces.

"What now?" Zelgadis asked as he straightened out his clothing.

"Well, I don't know!" Xellos complained, "I never really do!" He paused for a few seconds then looked at Zelgadis, "Breakfast?"

"Certainly." Zelgadis replied he looked amused. Xellos reached out and grabbed his hand quickly. "Hmm?" Zelgadis's eyes were questioning.

"Nothing really." Xellos's cheeks had a slightly redder tinge to them than usual. Zelgadis grinned and squeezed his hand.

"Of course." He chuckled.

And I won't forget

The way you loved me

On the way down

I almost fell right through

But I held onto you

_It's been a strange night…and a strange morning,_ Xellos thought, _but I can't remember a better one…and after one-thousand years that's saying a lot._ Xellos brought Zelgadis's hand up and kissed the back of it in an old fashioned manner. Zelgadis was surprised and laughed out loud. Xellos laughed too, shock factor, wasn't that always what he aimed for?

_Xellos and me? _Zelgadis thought_, that's not exactly what I would have expected from myself. _He sighed to himself_, but the again, what did I really expect from myself? _Zelgadis stroked the back of Xellos's hand softly. "Where are we going?" He asked.

"Well, now, that…is a secret!" Xellos waved his finger in Zelgadis's face. Zelgadis reached up and bent his finger backwards.

"I thought I said not to do that." Zelgadis raised an eyebrow at him. Xellos giggled and rubbed the back of his head.

"Eh, yeah I suppose so!" He laughed.

"O.K., so don't." Zelgadis laughed a bit too in order to let Xellos know he was kidding. "So, breakfast."

"Yeah!" The two walked out the door, happier than they had been in a long while, and surprised as hell!

Down, down, down

But I held onto you

Down, down, down

But I held onto you

**A/N: I BEG YOUR MERCY! First song fic, so sorry if I didn't get the point right and uh sorry if it's kind of long…heh.**


End file.
